look at me
by saralover
Summary: michael shows up at sara's door
1. look at me because i love you

she opened the door to see him standing on the other side she took him in ( he looked like he hadn't shaven for a few days his eyes still had their intense gaze that could bore into her soul whenever he wanted his hair had grown a little in the past nine weeks he was in dark denims and a grey hoodie)  
he registered every aspect of her as she stood before him (her eyes, were dark because of all the tears she'd shed,  
they had heavy bags underneath them from lack of sleep she looked thin, boney even her face was pale, almost ghostly her hair had lost some of it's red glow jeans and a blue sweater a blanket wrapped around her shoulders)  
when they finished processing eachothers presence she tried to slam the door but he got his foot in she didn't put up a fight and walked back to the livingroom allowing him to follow her she sat down on the couch he kneeled down infront of her she refused to look into his eyes he whispered her name "sara"  
her eyes filled with tears but she didn't wanna cry infront of him "sara, please look at me, talk to me, scream, rant, look at me, please"  
finally focusing her eyes on his face she said, struggling to get the words to come out of her dry throat "what do you want from me? what is it this time, michael?  
haven't you hirt me enough"  
"i never ment for you to get hurt"  
"i've heard it before, i've heard it all before so don't even bother, just leave me alone"  
"i'm not leaving you, not like this i need know that you're okay before i go and it's obvious that you're not"  
"i'm fine leave"  
"sara"  
"no! don't! what are you even doing here"  
"i needed to know if you were okay"  
"well i'm not! are you satisfied?" 


	2. letting it out

"No Sara, I'm not satisfied"

**he curled a string of her beautiful auburn hair around his finger ****and caressed her cheek**

"I love you, don't you get that?  
I just. want. you. to be happy"  
"you being here isn't helping, Michael"

**she looked away from his gaze in order to keep control**

"It doesn't look like you were too happy before I got here either"  
"I never said I was.  
but i'll survive just like I always do"  
"yeah by OD'ing on Morphine"

**emotions coursed through her body, anger shame, hurt.  
****she used up all her strength by pulling away from his touch**

"GET OUT! GO AWAY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!  
JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE"

**she tries to push him out the door but he's too strong and all of her strength is gone  
****she pounds against his chest with her tiny fists**

"Please, just go, please..michael"

**her voice so frail, so small, broke him**

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you"

**she grabs onto his shirt pulling him closer by the fabric of his hoodie  
****until her face was buried in his chest  
****he put his arms around her firm but gently  
****she tried to push him away but he wouldn't let her  
****so she gave in sobbing against him**

"I love you. I love you so much"

**his whispered confession only made her sob harder  
****but she clung to him like he was her lifeline  
they just stood there,  
him with his arms wrapped around her,  
his lips softly caressing her hair,  
her arms still caught between there bodies.**


	3. why can't you believe that i love you

after her breathing had steadied and her tears had dried she slowely loosened her grip on him he moves his hands from her back to her upper arms and gently pushed her away from his body never letting go of her "Michael"  
"Are you okay"  
"I will be"  
"I'll stay with you until you are"  
"Michael, we both know you can't stay here"  
"So come with me"  
"I can't do that, I hardly even know you I can't just throw my life away to go on the run with you"  
"You do know me, Sara"  
"Do I?" her voice started cracking "Do I really"  
"You know you do I love you, Sara"  
"we both know that's a lie"  
"I don't, I love you and I cannot leave you not if I don't know for a fact that you're okay"  
"I'm fine Michael"  
"Are you? really?  
how do I know what you're gonna do the second I walk out that door?  
how do I know you're not gonna"  
"Gonna what Michael? Shoot up!  
stop pretending you even care what happens to me!  
I have not seen or heard from you in TWO MONTHS!  
I could've OD'd a million times in the past 9 weeks Where were you then Michael?  
Why do you care so much all of a sudden?  
What do you want from me Michael?  
Money?! Drugs?! The clothes of my back!  
A warm body!  
You know what Michael?  
You can have it all. I don't care. I don't need it And I don't need you"  
"All I want is you, I want you to be happy and safe, and i want you to be those things with me"  
"that's not fair.  
you hirt me. really bad.  
and i'm just so tired of pretending i'm ok and that you didn't get under my skin i just want to sleep but i can't because everytime i close my eyes i see your face and i hate myself for letting you in for falling for you and the fact that even everything you did to me i still want you 


	4. i want you

"And I know you don't want me and that hurts"  
"I do want you, I need you you're everything to me"  
he gently pulled her closer to him almost as if she's breakable she got dizzy when she realized the close proximity they were in he started planting soft butterfly kisses on the side of her neck she whimpered a few desperate words "michael..please..don't..lie..to..me"  
he lifted his lips away from her skin leaving her lost without his touch "i'm not. look at me...please"  
he frames her face with his hands gazing into her eyes "i'm not lying to you, I love you. so much that it hurts"  
"why can't you just leave me alone"  
"because no matter what I do I can't stop thinking about you and I don't wanna stop i'm not leaving here without you"  
"staying here is suicide michael"  
"so is trying to live without you"  
"I don't want this,  
what do I have to do to make you go away"  
"look at me and tell me you don't love me do that and i'm gone. tell me"  
"don't make me lie you please"  
his hands still clasping her face he closed the distance between their faces at first kissing her lips softly than more forcefully at first she just grabbed onto his arms but when she started kissing him back he slid his tung against her lowerlip she opened her mouth just slightly granting him entrance he slid his tung agaist hers kissing her passionately, draining her resolve "please, don't leave me"  
"I won't. I'll never leave you"  
"I hate myself for needing you the way I do"  
"I need you just as much"  
this time she closes the distance between them kissing him hard while softly crying he pulls his lips away from hers and up to her cheeks, where he kisses her tears away she closes her eyes and he plants butterfly kisses on her eyelids needing to feel his lips on hers she pulls his mouth down to hers again softly sucking on his bottom lip she slips her tung into his mouth her arms are around his waist his hands are in her hair. 


	5. i need to feel you

Fervently kissing him She leads him to the couch Where she lays her body down and pulls him down to her,  
without breaking their kiss "Sara.." he said her name in a soft voice "Michael...please...don't..talk I just need to.  
I need to feel you"  
she slips her hands up the hem of his shirt roaming across his back pushing him down on her body even further she moves her hands to his chest moving them down until she reaches his belt buckle he pulls his body up away from her "sara we have to stop"  
she moves her handsto hhis back again trying to pull him back down he frames her face with his hands look her in the eyes "you have to stop"  
she squirmed out from underneath him sitting upright on the couch looking down at her feet he gets off the couch and kneels before her going back to their earlier positions he cups her cheek with one hand his other hand is in her hair pressed closely against her scalp he starts whispering "hey this is not why i came here"  
"I know I just thought"  
"sara... I'm not rejecting you you have to understand It's not that I don't want you because, trust me I do but this just isn't the right time and I don't want you to ever regret anything that happens with us I want to be with you but even more than that,  
I want, I need, you to feel safe and I don't want to hurt you" 


	6. trust

"you already hurt me once and I can't go through that again I can't handle it again, Michael"  
"You won't have to I love you"  
"That's what they all say, and than when they get whatever it is they want they leave"  
"Sara why exactly do you think i'm here"  
"Because you want...something"  
"I do want something. You nothing but you"  
"why would you?! I'm a screw up,  
an addict and a thief"  
"Don't talk about yourself like that"  
"Why not? It's true It's what I am It's what i'll always be"  
"Those things may be a part of your past but it's not who you are now it's not what defines you cause to me you're perfect"  
"always the smooth talker"  
"i'm not feeding you a line i'm not lying to you i'm not using you and i am not going to hurt you i'm not letting anyone else hurt you either why can't you just believe me when i say i love you"  
"because you'd be the first, to say it and actually mean it without wanting something in return without an alterior motive and if I let myself believe you I don't know what i'd do if you left"  
"I'm not leaving you anymore" 


	7. don't be scared

She got up from her spot on the couch and moved to stare out the window She felt him come up behind her he whispered in her ear his hot breath on her neck "Do you believe me"  
He circled his hands around her waist she leaned back against his chest letting her head fall in the crook of his neck "I want to.. I do"  
"But"  
"Michael... I.." She closes her eyes "I love you and that scares me"  
he held her tighter in his arms.  
and he whispered like he was affraid that if he spoke louder she would disappear "You don't have to be scared. Don't be scared of me.. Please"  
He begged her his voice was sad and low she put her arms on top of his "I'm not, It's just Whenever I love someone, Whenever i've said it out loud It's never ended good"  
She closed her eyes again and looked down "And I don't see why it should be any different this time"  
"Because you deserve a break, Sara Because you deserve to be happy"  
He turned her around in his arms so she's come to face him he lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes "Because I'd rather die than let anyone, Including myself hurt you again.  
And because I love you too, more than anything Because I can't breathe without you"  
She pressed her lips against his in a soft reassuring kiss When their lips parted she leaned her forehead against his smiling in relief. his eyes were shut and she could feel his warm breath against her face "So how long are we just gonna stand here?  
Shouldn't we get going"  
She watched his eyes flutter open "We"  
He looked almost scared to hear her answer she smiled "Yes, you and me, if you'll still have me"  
"Always"  
He pulled her in, embracing her completely She put her arms around his neck and buried her nose in the crook of his neck "I love you, Michael"  
"And I love you"  
"Good" 


End file.
